We’ve all experienced this: you ask a professional for advice, but as soon as you hear it, you feel yourself resisting. Maybe it sounds too hard, challenges your usual way, or just doesn’t feel right.
As a professional in the equine industry, I find myself on the other side of that wall often.
As a bitless bridle fitter and behavior-led coach, my main focus is aimed towards improving horse welfare by encouraging owners to examine their current practices. My approach centers on considering the whole horse, which can mean asking for changes that may feel daunting. To ease this transition, I recommend simple, practical first steps—like observing a horse’s comfort and behavior during daily routines, adjusting tack for a better fit, adding basic groundwork to build trust, or trying equipment that prioritises comfort. These manageable actions can empower owners to begin improving welfare with confidence.
Sometimes, I see resistance right away. I make a suggestion, and suddenly the person shuts down, crosses their arms, and starts with, “Yes, but…”
In the past, I might have tried to explain the science, biomechanics, or welfare benefits even more strongly. But I’ve learned that this approach rarely works.
Think of Your Approach as a Lens
Many believe professionals must know everything, but that’s a misconception. This pressure can feel overwhelming. My expertise is in bitless setups and equine behavior, offering a valuable, yet specific, perspective. It’s important to recognise this lens is not all-seeing.
What I value—comfort, choice, and emotional safety for the horse—shapes my perspective. Horse owners view the world through their own lens, shaped by factors such as safety concerns, competition goals, and years of tradition. It is important to acknowledge that these priorities are valid for the individual. Safety and competition goals can be balanced with welfare, and considering them is essential in making owners feel respected and understood.
If we treat our professional opinion as the only truth, we stop being partners and start acting like dictators. And nobody learns well that way.
The Value of Saying “I Don’t Know”
When I sense that a client doesn’t like the advice I’m giving, I have learned to take a step back. Instead of pushing, I do something that seems counterintuitive for an expert: I admit I don’t have all the answers.
I might say, “Look, I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know your horse as intimately as you do. But I can offer a different thought approach.”
Admitting this right away helps everyone relax. It changes the conversation from Me vs. You to Us working together for the horse.
Once things feel less tense, I share stories. For example, one owner, Sarah, was hesitant to go bitless with her horse, Max, who was anxious under saddle. Sarah began by introducing a sidepull during long-reining, letting Max get used to bitless pressure. She then added short, calm rides and adjusted based on his responses, making sure each step was comfortable. Gradually, this approach made the transition positive for both Sarah and Max.
After several sessions, Sarah chose to try the bitless approach. Within weeks, Max relaxed during rides, and Sarah noticed improvements in both performance and their bond. This example shows how small, open changes can transform a partnership and make advice relatable for others.
(Note: names have been changed for privacy)
Letting Clients Finish the Thought
In behavior-led coaching with horses, we often wait for the horse to offer the behavior rather than forcing it. We set up the environment, we offer the cue, and then we wait. When the horse figures it out for themselves, the learning is deeper.
The same idea applies to people, too.
If I say, “Your horse is in pain and the tack is the cause,” the client might get defensive. But if I explain the anatomy, point out signs of tension, share a story about facial nerves, and then pause, I give them space to connect the dots.
Allowing people to finish the sentence—to come to the realization themselves—is infinitely more powerful than giving them the answer. When they say, “You know, I wonder if he’d be happier without the bit?” it becomes their idea. They own it. And because they own it, they are much more likely to follow through.
The Goal is True Partnership
True partnership is the ultimate goal at Equine Partnership. This applies not only between the student and the horse, but also between the coach and the client as we work together to find the best solutions.
I don’t have all the answers or instant solutions, but I offer experience, perspective, and a genuine desire to help students and their horses improve. For further support, you can reach out via email, explore our online resources and courses, join our free Facebook Inner Circle to ask questions, or visit our Academy for on-demand and live courses.
Sometimes, just changing your perspective and having an honest conversation is the best thing you can do for welfare.
